I was a porn addict not to long ago and I’m here to tell you I understand the false thrill and the condemnation Satan lays upon your heart. I promise this back story leads into my porn addiction I am right now explaining the foundation that was built leading me into porn.
If you haven’t read the previous post then please do so before you read part 5
At first Belle wasn’t aware of my sinful addiction and I was in a downward spiral losing control even though I felt in control, but see that is what the devil wants you to think, he want’s you to think you’re in control but reality is you’re not in control you’re just being played like a puppet.
Satan had me right where he wanted me because I wasn’t just harming myself from the poisonous addiction, no instead I was destroying the very woman I claimed to love with all my heart. She told me that my addiction to pornography left her feeling ugly, insecure lonely, etc. I felt like a monster because I hurt her so badly but at the same time I felt trapped by my addiction to pornography and every time I tried to stop viewing porn satan would tug on my weakness by tugging on the very hidden dark desires within my heart.
I would constantly ask God for forgiveness which seemed like 50,000 times a day but I just couldn’t escape the addiction I would plead daily for God to deliver me but I would go days where it seemed like God wasn’t there then one day the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said “my child it’s already over for the Son of God paid for your addiction“
Even though I knew the almighty Lord Jesus Christ paid for my sins I still couldn’t escape the feeling of being trapped within my own mind because of the lustful thoughts happening within daily. One day I decided I was going to break away from porn and as I did for a few days I noticed the desire within grew stronger and instead of fighting back I gave in. I did this to the point that I really didn’t know myself anymore because the poison was erasing me from within. I can remember it was a hot summer night and Belle wanted to go for a walk but I kept her waiting for over a hour for me because I was watching porn. After I finally made it outside she asked me what took me so long and I just quietly and shamefully looked at her. She deep down knew it wasn’t good and she told me to come clean with her so I did and that’s when I had a outburst how I felt trapped but yet I felt like a slave for a God that didn’t want to deliver me. Belle looked at me and said the Almighty God wants to help you but you won’t let him breath life back into you!
I bursted into tears and Belle then said to me I can see the Lord is answering my prayers I was puzzled by this and that’s when she said to me I can see the Holy Spirit is breaking through the thick wall and laying conviction on your heart. Then she looked and me and said Mike, the Lord said it’s time you need to decided your next set of actions because the Lord is waiting for you to trust Him so He can strengthen you to overcome this addiction. She also told me that the Lord had heard all my my cries for help but I was refusing to receive the help and that was where my downfall was stopping me from letting the Holy Spirit complete the transformation within.
I remember it clearly that night I fell to my knees and just poured my heart out to the Lord and the Lord replied back with the following My child I have heard your plea for help, My child prepare yourself because you will suffer emotional pain so transformation can take place because I must cut you open to drain the poison within you.
Emotional pain I did suffer due to the withdraws from the poison within but I noticed everytime I tried to close the wound the Lord would pour His love upon me opening the wound wider to flush the poison flowing through my viens.
To Be Continued
Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Did you find this post interesting ? How about checking out the archives or trying your luck with a random post never know what you will come across to read!!! S^K (†Souljahz For Christ Ministry†) Souljahz 4 Christ Ministry Motto: God’s faithful foot Souljahz charging the front lines of Spiritual Warfare,To seek out the lost and hurt souls to display God’s Love for humanity. (Ezekiel 37) God Bless,