Yesterday started out bad for me because my flesh was trying to emerge plus Satan felt threaten by my obedience towards God, lately I’ve started to let my feelings get in the way so I no longer was remaining in the background following God’s lead, instead I let pride take a hold of me and all it took was seeing something on Facebook to set me,off because I notice this couple keeps creating Facebook pages then pretty much copy their content across all their pages and they were receiving thousands of followers on each page by doing this, so I became peeved because they were obviously abusing the tools God, provided to help flourish their ministry.
My pride started to kick into full effect and jealousy started to set in because I’ve poured my sweat, tears, etc, trying to get Souljahz 4 Christ ministry off the ground but it seemed to me that God, kept slamming the door shut in my face while it seemed God’ was opening the flood gate for this couple that was abusing the very social tool that was helping them further their ministry.
My wife kindly replied calm down God, will flourish your ministry within his timing I rudely replied “when is that when I’m an old man” at that very point I said F God, and F Christianity I am done, After my rant and rave I went to lay down I was feeling overly depressed.
I was also feeling the monster within raging as I started to doze off to sleep God, remained faithful and set out to prove to me He, still loved me and understood what I was going through. So while I was sleeping a Gentlemen by the name of Sebastian, left an inspiring comment having no idea what was going on my end, But God, knew and God, chose Sebastian as His, Vessel in my time of need by Sebastian leaving the following comment.
Continue to “Write the vision…” (Hab. 2:2-3). May every one who has been called to be a part of this “community” respond with faith to the call of God…as He reveals it to them! Blessings to you my brother! –S
Habakkuk 2:2-3 (NIV)
The Lord’s Answer
2 Then the Lord replied:
“Write down the revelation
and make it plain on tablets
so that a herald[a] may run with it.
3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
it speaks of the end
and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
it[b] will certainly come
and will not delay.
After I read the scripture reference Sebastian left in his comment I knew right then God, was trying to tell me that I needed patients and to wait upon His, perfect timing and not rush on what I thought the timing should be.
Shortly after reading the verse I went to the doctor office with my parents I remained in the waiting room waiting for them since they had back to back appointments there, so I brought a book by Joyce Meyer’s the book spoke about the works of the Holy Spirit, towards the end of the book it spoke about Baptism of the Holy Spirit, and Joyce provided a prayer in the book for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, The prior week I asked God, to allow the Holy Spirit, to dwell within I didn’t pray about it at that time but a couple of days later this phrase kept weighting hard on my mind, but I wrote it off that it was me and not God, because it sounded like utter when I sounded it out in my head.
After I said the prayer in the book Joyce, mentioned that there might be a phrase that would come to mind and to freely speak in tongues whatever come to mind and that it may sound like utter, she also said in the book that the devil would play mind schemes trying to make it seem like the Holy Spirit, wasn’t providing the unknown word.
So while I was waiting in the waiting room I notice that same strange phrase was upon my mind again so I went out to the car I hesitated at first but then I remembered that I promised God, I would continue to take baby steps pushing forward trusting Him, so I said the phrase it sound more like an utter rolling off my tongue as I continue to say it a couple of times I started to cry uncontrollably and then I started to feel the presence of God, it felt like God, reached down with His, hand ripping away the wicked desires in my heart.
As I continue to cry I begin to shake more and I couldn’t move at this point I lost all control of my body and the presence of God, became much stronger, as I started to utter the phrase that came to mind I begin to cry harder and then my body started to slightly jerk forward and when my body did, I started to speak the unknown language fluently and then I would go back to uttering the one phrase in my mind then my body would slightly jerk forward again and I would begin to speak in tongues fluently again this pattern lasted for five minutes. Each time I started to speak fluently my mind would go blank and the presence of God, would grow stronger each time I spoke in tongues fluently.
Afterwards I felt this peace come upon me and I noticed that my hearts desire to lust was gone. I continued on with my day and when I woke up the next day I sensed the Holy Spirit directing me to check out the home page of YouTube and when I landed on the home page I notice on the side bar the following video.
Just prior I was feeling down as well I felt like I was not cutout for the Calling God, called me to complete, as I watched the video I begin to cry because this hip hop artist was speaking out his, mouth exactly how I was feeling after waking up that morning. No one knew how I was felling but God, knew and God, also knew how to get the message to me that I was moving in the right direction with the calling that I was called to do, God, continued to speak to my heart that He was in my corner and that I needed to get rid of the doubt and become patient and wait upon His, timing because He, didn’t make a mistake when He, called me to start the Souljahz 4 Christ ministry. God, also spoke to my heart that I needed to trust Him and let Him, make the moves with the ministry and let Him, lead me through everything so everything would fall into place within all His, correct timing.