I was a porn addict not to long ago and I’m here to tell you I understand the false thrill and the condemnation Satan lays upon your heart. I promise this back story leads into my porn addiction I am right now explaining the foundation that was built leading me into porn.
In the previous post I finished the post with the following below
Belle, didn’t run from me instead she seeked me out day after day with Bible study after the first year of being friends Belle, became my girlfriend and I was nervous and sicken to my stomach because Belle, had class and she wasn’t the type to sleep around she is the kinda woman that is interested in a man that seeks the heart instead of the sack.
Like I said in the previous post God had His hand upon me and He used Belle, to show His love through her Christ like actions. She was far from perfect and we dated behind her abusive fiance’s back when he left to join the military, during those short 8 months her fiance tried many times to get ahold of Belle, but he couldn’t for most of the time and when he finally did she told me her thoughts were preoccupied with thoughts of her and me.
He could sense something wasn’t right so he got himself removed from the boot camp with a dishonorable discharge. Once he got back he noticed Belle, wasn’t home so he started to hunt her down and got wind she was at my place so he, end up at my front door and he was quite abusive towards her, so I lost it and kicked the living hell out of him, but because she was afraid of him, she ended up taking his side and she proceeded to slap me in the face for fighting him on probation. Lord’s hand was really upon me that day because a cop drove by but didn’t see anything because there was a small crowd around us.
After Belle, left with her fiancé I went back to my place and waited to be arrested because the property manager said to me mark my words I’m calling your probation officer, because when I got into to the fight Belle’s fiancé pushed me and I slammed into the door and hit the security guard in the head and cracked his head open.
As I sat there waiting for the cops I couldn’t shake the thought how I just gave my wife what she wanted all along which was me behind bars. About 2 hrs went by and still no cops so I went down stairs to the front lobby and spoke with the super and that’s when she proceeded to tell me she decided to keep the matter in house and not call the probation officer. I couldn’t thank her enough for the mercy she had given me. All though I was free from going back to jail I wasn’t done having to deal with the aftermath of Belle leaving me. She came by later that day and got her little bit of stuff and we went our separate ways.
About 2 weeks went by and Belle, tried to get ahold of me but I ignored her calls and knocks on my door, I started to drink during those 2 weeks because I couldn’t shake the shame how I charmed her into bed when she was obviously hurting over the way her man was treating her and he was leaving for boot camp. At this point I had one thought in mind and that was, that I would be better off dead because all I ever do is use women, see Belle, was different from most women and I knew deep down I treated her wrong. So one day after about 2 weeks of her trying to get ahold of me she told the super that I wasn’t answering her calls and knocks. So the super came upstairs and checked on me because there was a written contract to do so if the super felt I wasn’t following my probation contract. When the super open the door she didn’t see me at first but Belle did and when the super went to close my apartment door Belle shouted he’s in there injured.
I had overdosed on too much liquor and the very last time I fell I hit my head Belle, rushed to my aid and showed up at the hospital as well. When I had awoken the next day in the hospital the first thing Belle, said to me was never scare me like that again because I love you. I told Belle in return I loved her as well but she was with mr a** hole and I wasn’t going to have any part of it. Belle proceed to tell me then she had left him and that she wanted a re-try with me and her, but things had to change between us because she wanted to Honor God with her actions and body.
Belle’s ex didn’t like the fact she chose me and I was surprised she chose me with my background with women, as we continued on dating her ex didn’t give up trying to get her back and I just kept telling her I cannot put my finger on it but that man is hiding something. One day I came home from work and belle, was crying I asked her what was wrong and that is when she handed me the news paper, and right there on the front page sat an article of her ex being arrested at the public library because he was looking at kiddie porn and was also a suspected serial child molester, needless to say he was convicted and won’t possibly see the outside of bars unless his next parole hearing is granted in the year of 2050. Belle, was devastated because she was molested as a child and here she was dating a serial child molester, I told her not to beat herself up so much because she honestly didn’t know until she read the article in the paper. Belle, continue to invest time into me teaching me about the Lord and His wonderful ways, and I begin to respect women like God expected me to. Belle truly set out to prove to me she was different then most of the women I knew.
Even though I hurt many women and many women hurt me God still choose to place Belle, in my life as a hero figure so I could see the Hero in God himself, as I think about that its ironic how God choose to fulfill His will sometimes.
The next post will be fastword to 2011
To Be Continued
Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Did you find this post interesting ? How about checking out the archives or trying your luck with a random post never know what you will come across to read!!! S^K (†Souljahz For Christ Ministry†) Souljahz 4 Christ Ministry Motto: God’s faithful foot Souljahz charging the front lines of Spiritual Warfare,To seek out the lost and hurt souls to display God’s Love for humanity. (Ezekiel 37) God Bless,