Author Notes By: Reign, Reign,
- This post is more of a journal entry which may make it seem incomplete in certain areas of the post. This post is more of a thought process how I’m going to handle the situation while placing my trust in the Lord.
Anyone that has read this blog from the beginning or near the beginning of the blog creation knows I use to act like I was God’s gift to women.
I truly treated all my ex-girlfriends like someone I use to know but would always crawl back to them for sex and rebound relationships between girlfriends old and new.
It has been 15+ years since I last seen my ex-girlfriend I mean back in my younger years I left her for my first wife and then crawled back to my ex-girlfriend after my first wife left me then shortly after I left my ex-girlfriend to be with Bella which is my current wife, I saw my ex-girlfriend getting on the transit bus and now that I’m a christian I wanted to apologize and ask for her forgiveness for my past actions towards her. Never in a million years did I think this was going to back fire on me.
A couple of my wife’s church friends have invited my wife to hang out with them at this local weekly food bank and my ex-girlfriend started to show up for food which I’m thankful God has blessed her in her time of need. 3 weeks earlier to my wife going to the weekly food bank I saw my ex_girlfriend on the city transit and I was sitting next to my wife and my ex_girlfriend leaned over and said you know when you married your first wife I dreamed it should-be me instead and not her, and then you broke up with her and I thought for sure I was going to be your next wife and now you’re married again and it’s not me again. I admit I blew her statement off because I never truly loved her because she was a sex object to me and as awful as that sounds it’s the truth and I now feel bad about it but know I cannot change the past.
Anyways today my wife was introduced to a mutual male friend of my wife’s church friend and my ex-girlfriend. He said to my wife I know who your husband is and I’m going to tell you his full name even though I’ve never meet your husband in person. My wife replied okay but was unsure of why he felt to tell her my full name after he said my name he replied I hope by telling you his full name without meeting him that you will believe what I’m about to you. My wife again was like okay. Then this gentlemen said are you’re aware I’m very close friends with your husbands ex and His ex-girlfriend has acted very nice towards you but has been plotting behind your back to try to take your husband from you.
My wife laughed it off because she told him my husband isn’t going to leave me for her. He replied that may be true but she is plotting to have bad things done to you so you’re out of the picture.
I’ve known my ex-girlfriend for over 20+ plus years and I have witness her devious actions before and told my wife to be very careful. I know deep down this is satan attacking my marriage and that is why I’m writing this post to try to help others in similar situations.
I need you to remain with me sincerely your loveable -X
Let me explain deeper why I believe satan is behind the attack, Before I and Bella got married I started getting these thoughts that I should leave Bella for my ex-girlfriend but I didn’t know where she lived I just knew she was still living near me. I was suffering from a major porn addiction and then shortly before I Bella got married I ran into my ex-girlfriend via the public transit and the temptation kicked in harder to leave Bella for my -X because now I knew where she lived. I choose not go with the temptation for one she has a boyfriend of 14+ years and more importantly I was with Bella for 12+ years before we got married and I truely love her.
After we got married we would have our arguments here and there and forgive each other than recently I started watching porn again and it almost cost me my marriage so I took a hiatus from the internet to regain my foot hold into the Lords foundation. During the time of me viewing pornography I and Bella argued a lot and I would always calmly reply to her that we needed to stop because satan hates marriages because it’s a blissful gift for man and woman to be untied as one in the covenant of marriage. Satan hates love and marriage is a symbol and a gift of love by God.
Satan has noticed He cannot ruin my marriage through Porn because I am no longer affected like I was in the past because satan lost his foot hold on me, and our arguments are starting to become more centered around communication and expression of actionable love towards each other because we have agreed we need to become team members that shares the load and balance. So satan is feeling cornered and is desperate to ruin our marriage so why note use my ex-girlfriend which is not a christian so for satan it’s much easier to attack through the route with the least resistance.
I still love you sincerely your loveable -X
Back in my younger years I searched out women that were broken from within seeking love from a male figure, because either they grew up without a father or was raped, or molested and now they felt they were nothing more than a piece of sexual meat. I preyed upon the female innermost weakness her emotions I would lead them on to beleive I loved them for my own selfish satisfaction. I never thought it would come back to bite me like it has now.
The reason I think it has come back to bite me is because satan could see that the avenues he had taken before were not working anymore and he knew my ex still had feelings for me so why not try to exploit my once weakness for women by coaching me back into committing adultery against my wife with my ex. You see I and Bella are on to satans previous schemes because the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and now I’m truly at a lost because I don’t love my ex and I don’t want to hurt her feelings now that I’m a christian either.
(Current Boyfriend) I hate Her ex so I will give him the evil stare down
From a males perspective I can understand how he feels specially after him being with my ex for 14+ years I’ve calculated the time frame and realized she started dating him about 6 months before we broke up. So she has most likely shared her pain with him years back causing him not to like me because of how much of a jerk I was towards her during the break up. I mean I was considering marrying her (She didn’t know this) but after I found out she lied to me about her son being mine and that she knew he wasn’t my son the whole time we were together and used her son to keep me around I could no longer be around her, and I broke away in a very hateful way; and now her boyfriend see’s I’ve come back onto the scene briefly by seeing her that one day with my wife to be at the time while at the city transit center then my run in with her on the city transit bus then the weekly food bank and how she acted at the food bank if I was him I would want to kick my a** too.
I cannot help but think how that popular Rihanna song unfaithful could be on a loop in his mind and how he may feel threaten by me coming into contact briefly with my ex and how openly she has admitted to her friends male and female how bad she wants to be with me. In the past I never backed away from a fight and I have no wishes to fight this man but every time I go with my wife to the food bank which isn’t often I can sense from his body tone and body language he is waiting for the right moment to catch me off guard and I truly don’t want to fight back if he chooses to attack me at some point. Instead I want to show Gods love by being the greater man by taking the beating without retaliation., but I also know myself to well and I know I could end up letting the flesh get in the way and possibly harm this man because I grew up as fighter and I can become a force to be reckoned with.
My Final Notes:
What is important here is my wife knows deep down I will not leave nor cheat on her with my ex or any woman for that manner, I can see I’ve truly messed up with the porn addiction and I’m truly sorry for my sinful actions against God and my wife Bella, What truly scares me though is my ex plotting against my wife to harm her in some way I know deep down she is capable of finding someone to harm my wife and this mutual friend I mentioned at the beginning of the post stated my ex is on a secret war path. I have to trust God with this situation and remind my self as long as neither of us buy into the temptations or any lies that may arise that our marriage will remain intact and not broken.
I do believe that satan devised this attack because his other means weren’t working any longer, but I also believe nothing happens with out it passing through Gods hands first and the only reason I think of God allowing satan to attack within this type of manner is to test I and Bella as well teach us how to trust him more no matter what the circumstance are.
Dear Lord I’m truly sorry for using and hurting my ex in the past even though she has forgiven me I pray Lord that I and Bella can become a beacon of hope and love towards my ex and her boyfriend, I pray Lord that you ease his emotions because I truly do not want to be with my ex because I want to honor my marriage vows that I said to Bella before you Lord, Lord if her boyfriend does ever decided to start a fight with me I pray Lord and that given time you will shower me with your mighty strength because I know deep down my strength will not sustain and I will end up fighting back which will not display your love. Lord I also pray that you protect my wife from any harm that may come her way. Lord I also as that you please sever any emotional ties between my ex_girlfreind and I so she can move forward with her current man because Lord I am truly a fantasy that satan is placing before her by providing false hope that we will be an item again. Amen.
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