“Facing Your Fears”
As mortal humans we all have our weakness. These weakness are better known as strongholds in the spiritual realm, see satan loves to search you out and exploit your weakness and your fears at the same time. The reason is if satan can exploit your weakness and prey upon your fears at the same time he can weaken you through your fears so you will become too afraid to seek God for help because your pride will kick in and your self-doubt related to your fears as well will kick in to.
For many years now I have been on the run constantly looking over my shoulder searching out the next attack angle, but one thing I would always fail to see was I wasn’t going up against a mortal enemy no instead I was going up against a spiritual enemy that knows me better than I know myself.
This strong tactic allowed the enemy (satan) to predict my every movement because he would sit back and watch my actions and satan also watched how I chased after my hearts (evil desires) I was actually continuing to give satan the bullets to shoot me with and I became to blinded to realize it.
Even though I would attack back at times and took out some of satan’s force, he would always in return fight back harder by reminding me of my past as well exploit my weakness viewing women as sex objects this tactic always brought me to my knees and not to my knees for prayer either. NO I was brought to my knees each time because I felt like I could never escape the feeling of sexual lust, so I would just fall to my knees in despair feeling defeated this very attack became my downfall for many years. (This tactic allowed satans army I weaken rejuvenate)
There was one specific woman I couldn’t get out of my mind because I couldn’t get over the fact how badly I hurt her when she found out I cheated on her, I didn’t handle it well either I didn’t want her to know how bad I was hurting within as well how bad I felt because she was hurting from my actions with another woman. For many years I dwelt over the pain I caused her and how I displayed outwardly towards her that I didn’t care. Satan knew this bugged me and he reminded me of it constantly so I begin to chase after the fantasy of love through sexual contact as well the notion I could fix my relationship with the woman I hurt through the next woman by not making the same mistakes I previously made. This became my very downfall for many years.
All I gotta say now is satan will miss me in a bad way because I finally made up my mind that I am no longer going to let my fears paralyze me, as well let my past define me now. This is part of the reason this site has been so quiet because I needed to break away to break away from the various temptations I was falling victim to and I very well needed to ground myself into the Lords foundation because my foundation was crumbling all around me. I had a very major spiritual flood going on and it was sweeping me down stream at a very fast pace so fast at times I couldn’t think for myself.
My spiritual drowning almost cost me my marriage of less than a year, even though our marriage is less than a year old we both still have a lot to lose because we were together for 12 yrs before we got married so we both have a lot invested in this relationship. I am very lucky to have a wife that loves me for who I am and not what I can offer her. My wife became shunned by her family just before we got married and her family blames me for the shunning of their adoptive daughter. I know I have fault with the way we handle letting my family and her family know about the wedding but I personally feel that it’s a lame reason to shun my wife. I invested 10 plus years with them as well they invested the same amount back, and after they placed 100% blame for other things that influence their decision to shun their daughter I felt betrayed by them I even begin to think back to all the interactions with them and started to come to the conclusion the relationship I yearned all those years to establish and flourish was built on a foundation of fakeness and lies.
I mentioned the above true even scenario because satan knows the right timing when to attack and when it’s the most beneficial to attack.
This hurtful shun caused me to slip into a deep depression and one thing satan knows well is when I get depressed I simply don’t care about anything and this awful attitude drove me further away from God as well my wife and closer to porn ← (Website archive) after they shunned my wife and placed the 100% blame on me the immensity of feeling God didn’t love me because God knew then I was struggling with dealing with rejection, and during that time period I was receiving heavy rejection from many angles from various parties. I cried out daily for God to help me because I was emotionally drowning but then I couldn’t see He was lending His hand I felt deeply alone on the inside.
Part 2 coming soon