I recently published part 5 which you can read by clicking→ here← if you haven’t read it yet . If you haven’t read part 1 yet please do so by clicking →here ←because the posts after part one are in reverse chronological order leading up to the events in part 1 and beyond.
I apologize for the miss spells in my latest entry’s if this series even though I have read the post multiple times I seem to still miss the spelling errors I will be going back and editing the earlier posts when I get some free time to do so.
Dear Heavenly Father thank you for seeking me out through the Holy Spirit to write out my life’s testimony I have to admit at times the pain resurfaces and I hesitate to click the publish button, I thank you Lord because you have been faithful through out this process with healing me the pain last momentarily and I pray Lord that the pain I have endured will become inspiration for others to look upon you for salvation and guidance as well strength. Lord I give you all the credit with the writing of this post because if it wasn’t for you watching my back all these years even though I rejected you. Because I wouldn’t be here now sharing this testimony with others. In your precious name Lord, Jesus Christ, Amen.
In part 5I left off with the following phrase
I remember at that point the doctor yelling grab the crash cart now we are losing him before our very eye’s. I remember nothing after that other than the tunnel started to get hot and my flesh felt like it was melting off me and that I also couldn’t see anything around me it was pitch black at this point. Time seized to exist and the torture feeling of melting flesh seemed endless.
The Almighty Savior save me from hell that day.
It was many hours later before I come to because I was in a coma like state due to the medicine effects I was suffering from. When I come to I was greeted by the hospital social worker listening to my mother scream down the hall I wash my hands of my son He is ruining my love life and he’s too much to handle. I clearly remember the social worker asking if there was other children in the house and my mom replied yes his younger sister, that is when the social worker told my mother if you wash your hands of your son CPS will have to take your young daughter from you as well. My mom said I’ll keep my son then because I shouldn’t have to suffer by losing his sister because I had given birth to her rotten bother. You probably can imagine how I felt hearing how much of mistake I was from my mother’s mouth. I returned home knowing I had a father that didn’t love me and now I had the knowledge as well how my mother felt about me as well, not a day went for many years of me wishing I had died that day I took the overdose. Instead I was alive and I felt God kept me alive to torture me and this drove me to become a cold hearted person towards myself as well others.
Warning: The video below is supposed to be the clean version there is some points in the video where distasteful words can be guessed or heard.
I was 16 1/2 with a huge chip on my shoulder, I was so broken knowing my parents thought and admitted I was a mistake in their eye’s so I did the next best thing I thought would protect me from the hurt. So I invited the devil into my life I started to pray daily to the devil to give the power to push through this pain as well give me the power to hurt others. I noticed after a while I acquired this evil gift where I was able to cut people deeply I cut this one man so emotionally deep he tried to commit suicide I will talk about how that got me to change mind to stop using the gift the devil provide in a future post chapter. back to what I was trying to say I begin to listen to people I had a way about me that made others feel comfortable to share their deepest feelings with me and then use it against them when I felt rejected by them and I took delight in this gift and used it for many years.
The Monster Within Unleashes (My Flesh)
I’m ashamed to admit this but for testimony sake I will put the shame feeling aside and share that I use to seek women for sexual gratification because the physical love made me feel loved but I truly didn’t care about the women I slept with instead I made it a habit to make them feel worthless because it help numb the pain within. I targeted women that were broken, such as fatherless, molested, just to name a few types of women I targeted, because I knew deep down they didn’t think highly of themselves and I could get them to have sex with me without much effort. In the long run chasing after fast women lead to more problems because they cheated on me a lot and sometimes this lead to the other male finding out which lead to physical fights. After a while the stress started to get to me and I started to take after my father because I started to take that stress and frustration out on the women I slept with by physically abusing them.
You’re Outta Here You’re No Son Of Mine
By the time I turned 17 my mom got her wish by getting me out of the house because one day my therapist came out to the house and I punched my moms boyfriend in the head he has epilepsy so everyone at the house felt I was a threat to my moms boyfriend which is now my step dad for the last 19 yrs. My mom terminated her parental rights through the court system under the cause of me being a threat to the household including my younger sister, so I became ward of the state and placed in an adult foster home.
To Be Continued Check out the earlier posts in the series via the new Testimony page
Thank you for taking the time to read my latest post
Did you find this post interesting ? How about checking out the archives or trying your luck with a random post never know what you will come across to read!!! S^K (†Souljahz For Christ Ministry†) Souljahz 4 Christ Ministry Motto: God’s faithful foot Souljahz charging the front lines of Spiritual Warfare,To seek out the lost and hurt souls to display God’s Love for humanity. (Ezekiel 37) God Bless,