More Than A Conqueror Through Jesus Christ

I believe that God, has asked me to share some of my journal entry’s here at Daily Aspects because God, is trying to nudge me to become more transparent compared to my ways of being shy (Loner) so without further do I will begin my journal entry below! (Note this post is long)

For months I have wrestled with my flesh as well as satan’s temptations But I noticed I seemed to give in easily like I was looking forward to the temptation just so I would have an excuse for God, why I was rebelling against Him, But I was not realizing I was actually “Going Under” By allowing my self to give into the temptations as well as my fleshes desires I was blindly setting myself up to become numb to the point I couldn’t sense God, near me anymore, even though God, was still within me, even though at points I was allowing so much destruction within my spiritual life, I begun to feel like a prisoner that was sentence for Life, behind the bars of spiritual despair…

Even though I was being rebellious towards God, He, would call out to me in many different ways telling me to stop with snuffing out the Fire of the Holy spirit, and that I needed to allow God, to nourishment  the candle size flame so He, could turn into a raging Forrest fire type burn so the Holy spirit, could use His, radiant fire through me towards others like an endless flow of life,

Because God, is so faithful to humanity that even though I was being rebellious God, kept reassuring me I was still not alone because He, was near even in my troubled times, God, also allowed me to see recently because I kept snuffing out the candle size fire the Holy spirit, would start was causing me to feel separation from God, which in return caused me to feel like God, wasn’t there anymore when in actuality God, was still there  because He, was a part of me, The part that kept carrying out My Child when are you going to learn from your stubborn ways

Because I was so star stuck on how much God, still loved me after all I have done no matter how much I wanted to run from God, I kept returning to God, wanting more of His, love an even though I abused His, mercy and grace for months as well forsake God, by worshiping worldly idols do to the fact I was chasing after my own desires, God, still remained in the picture laying conviction upon my heart to surrender and change, If you think of it this way if you get a tattoo it becomes permanent on your body but instead God, became engraved in my heart like a tattoo and no matter how much I tried to run far away from God, I couldn’t because He was attached to my heart like a tattoo.

Recently I went in for a second sleep study While there I was feeling alone again but then I was reminded by God, that I wasn’t alone through the technician that was preparing me for the sleep study she struck up a conversation about her Daughter’s new college arrangements and how she has encouraged her daughter to find a local church so she can find Christian peers to become friends with because during spring break the college students leave and she didn’t want her daughter be nor feel alone even though she deep down knew she wasn’t alone because of God, being by her side at all times…  At this point I thought to myself why I am feeling alone when truly I am not because God, is a part of me! as time pressed on it became time to start the study so I asked God, before I went to sleep if He, could give me clues about my calling beyond this blog so I could begin to know my starting point but God, had other plans! that night Instead of showing me clues of my higher Calling beyond this blog God, decided to take my request in another direction but I don’t remember anything except one thing about my dream which was I was highly grounded in peace of knowing my faith & standing with God, while obeying my calling this got me thinking today with all the recent struggles I have gone through although some of the struggles were brought upon because I don’t have much self-esteem which relates to not seeing myself changing and defeating my struggles through God, even though I have felt this way I was quite shaken by the dream which help bring me to realization my feelings where the source of the issue of rebellion…

Even though I can not remember my dream the one event from my dream stuck out at me like a sore thumb I remember there was a crowd before me and I was towards the back of the crowd and that the crowd wasn’t a very friendly crowd but I still wasn’t afraid to speak the truth about God, because I knew the power of God, within me I do remember feeling inner peace as well within me which I’ve never experienced before on this kind of level, As I was talking the crowd turned around and started to listen to me, God, just brought this to mind it was Like I was David, and the Crowd was Goliath since I was out numbered by the hundreds of people in the crowd , and just like David didn’t fear Goliath I didn’t fear the crowd with the aspect of what they could have done to me… After experiencing this dream I wanted more of the inner peace I was feeling as well I wanted to become the confident person God, allowed me to see this was the turning point for my thinking pattern and I became determine to change and the first thing I needed to change was giving the devil his glory of knowing I was helping destroy the soul God, gave me,

So I’ve sat here at the computer thinking about my struggles and how God, already conquered the world but yet I’ve let myself belittle Gods, powers and yet I do believe God, was Graceful enough to let me see a small glimpse of my future allowing me to see in the long run I did, surrender to God, fully which in return helped me to Finally understand on a deeper level how to turn my struggles over to God, as well not bark down the wrong path that brings unnecessary struggles… So as I sat here putting more thought about if I am going to achieve to become the firm believer I saw In my dream that it has to start now on this very day so I got to stop letting my childhood pain get in the way of things instead I need to start carrying the attitude I am more than a “CONQUEROR” through God, Daily and pick up my cross and start carrying it as well daily.
So Lord, today I want to publicly make a pledge to you since my past pledges in non public form has failed, So Dear Lord,  I’m tired of living this way so Lord, please hear my cry out for inner change as I pledge today Lord to surrender myself to you and live for you at “ALL COST” I am very thankful for all that you’ve done so far that has brought me to this point of my heart change, I would also like to ask you Lord, for your Holy, Fire too consume the wicked desires in my heart and replace those wicked desires With the Holy Spirits, passion to serve you as well use the Holy Spirit, to Guide me on how to become obedient to your desires over mine, I praise and thank you Lord for being by my-side through all this I am also very thankful for allowing me to see myself bold and passionate for you Lord, in a dream, I want to also thank you Lord, for allowing me to Feel your inner peace that I have missed out on…

Lord, I have another request as well even though I am publicly pledging my stance and faith for you I would like the spot light to become on you through this post because it’s truly your power that has brought me to this point even though its been well over 2 years in the workings when you have made it quite clear more than once to me I was being like the Israelite’s in the wilderness which should have taken them 11 days to travel but instead turned into forty years because they wouldn’t submit to your ways… I pray Lord, this post will bless an encourage others that are going to throw struggles to become able to see your love and power and bring them to realization they can as well change through your strength and Grace… Amen
Conclusion
God, used one man (Jesus) to endure everything the devil had to throw at him during His, stay on earth as well endure every sin unimaginable to humanity then to become forsaken by His, father and then take on the legion of evilness and conqueror the battle then surely God, can handle our issues since our issues  are nothing compared to what Jesus, endured for us…

So if you wanna Conquer your struggles you’ll need to first start by admitting to yourself that you’re nothing without God, and that you’re truly powerless to complete change within without God, then set your mind to have determination as little as a mustard seed the same way with faith but to achieve Faith you will need to have hope because Hope is the foundation for Faith and Faith is the foundation for Determination which will pay through in the end… I agree it’s hard for someone lacking self  confidence but the only way you’ll ever reach a level in life where you can become confident in no matter what God asks you to do, You’ll first need to seek the Holy Spirit and ask for God, to teach you how to respect & Love yourself God, says in the Bible ask it shall be given  but with reason God, is not going to make someone rich or famous because they ask to become blessed in that manner…

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